I seem to never be able to shake the ever-lasting feeling of being dropped back into consciousness, it is jarring in nature, and miserable at it’s core. A state of existence that pull and ties at my very heartstrings, causing palpitations that never seem to cease. Because though I long and dwell for the cold, this existence in it’s essence keeps me in a perpetual state of shivering whenever these cycles of awakening come full circle. Like a curse that I cannot seem to shake, it’s all becoming just too much to bare. What good is the hourglass that waits me every time I open my eyes if every other clock and sign points to repeating numbers and codes that look to drive me to insanity. For a sense of deciphering has long since been made, but I feel it can never be done in a place like this, in a place to set on falling apart.
This is what it’s like to live in my skin so cold, and so full of knowing that this will repeat, time and time again. Eyes blurred and vision skewed for as long as this sun rises. A sun that must soon die, a death that can hopefully bring about an end to these Wake-Cycles, to set me free from yet another phase in this existence that has kept me bound. For what is coming shall be second coming, though what is coming shall lead to my ultimate undoing. Both a blessing and cursed disguised as a fruition of a fate perhaps? I may never know. For all is fleeting, and all is fading, and all I’ve ever truly loved has been tossed and consumed by the blackened waves of sorrow. What is left now, is left only to be undone. And what still awakes now, wakes only to bare witness to what shall precede – before it has all begun.
