There was once a subtle, short-lived, moment in time where calm, relief, and hope found it’s way through the darkest corners of frozen cavern walls – giving birth to the end of an Advent, and the dawn of a new one. This age, only before exiles, towering structures, and fears; much greater than any fears I had ever come to know – was paramount. Paramount to the chaos that would soon spread, to the love that would soon break – to the fall that would soon follow. In cold and seemingly empty crevices of my fractured mind, these moment repeat, again and again and again – time and time again. Like the last of the treacherous cycles that I have begun to put to rest. But before all of the madness would ensue, this time that followed the collapse of the cavern walls and the Ice cave that kept me bound, was in fact a time of drastic change, a time met with such healing and rising that I can only look back at that lost time now fondly, like a moment that I shall never know of again; almost as if it is a moment that is not of my own, but instead of some distant dream crafted up by another that I have stolen and taken for my own.
The purpose of such fleeting memories is not to reminisce and indulge in the ever-fleeting feelings that are so far from being my own at this moment in time; but are instead meant to see in comparison to where I stand now, to what awaits now – to what once was. The vast and seemingly infinite Plains had once bestowed upon a path of purpose that I sought to follow, and did so. But in doing so, it had only lead me to ruin. Ruin that with the ever-violent passage of time, has now turned to ruins; like ancient structures of the past that through slips in space-time, and shifting moments of reality in my own mind – can I take catch of glimpse of what it all has become. So much now, is finitely different than how it was during those times. For one, every ounce of fear is has gone – fled onto some other vessel. But in it’s stead has come the over-powering exhaustion and lack of will. For this reality is much more draining and empty than it had ever been in those times. There are no more plains present for me to wander in, for me to await the whispers of the wind speaking codes and secrets to me – guiding me towards strange and mysterious places. There is no longer a guiding, cradling light in the sky; leading me from the misery unto where I am meant to be. Long gone are your soft hands and radiant glow that would come to know nothing of tragedy, it is all gone – washed away to be turned to stone.
Someday I could imagine that once this is all said and done, before I wither off towards the dark and empty black for an eternity where I dream to rest; I will walk among those Plains once more. Or perhaps something akin to. And while they may not lead to me to some strange land, or whisper to me some strange words, I can only hope to return to that feeling of calm, that feeling of peace, that knowing that no matter which direction I walk – it would only lead forward. There is little worth wishing for when the time that remains must tied to a vessel like mine; for in a sense, most that I yearn for now is nothing but flickering moments from the past and intangible futures. But if there is one parallel I must draw from those moments within the Plains that spanned, and the ever-consuming phantom experience I am met with now; it is the un-wavering, un-dying, desperate thirst of growth and evolution. It is the desire to know more, to experience more, to be more. Whilst even strapped to the seat now, I can see these evolutions begin to morph, to take shape, but like a fusion ball of energy; it is not complete, it is just an idea, just a potential – just energy. I know not what I can become at this point, I only know of the reality I had always dreamt and the reality that faded. I know that in these times evolution can lead to the very demise that I seek to avoid. But even just like then, whilst wandering throughout the Plains in knowing that no matter what the winds may had whispered, that I would go onward, a mutual feeling can be felt now. Despite this experience being drenched in nothing but tragedy, I knew the stakes that lay ahead upon those moments where I tread, willingly yet empty – into the death of an Advent and into the birth of something else entirely. Something that I can only come to learn more of with each passing moment and tragedy it seeks to bring.
