My soul and bodied both drenched in red, the darkest nights that I came to know now take me back – taking me back to a more clear space; a space where my eyes are not blinded nor tainted by the lives that others have tread, because god knows with every day that passes the temptation grows stronger and stronger. These are the moments within time where I can feel every passing moment, it is all much-so-less fleeting than the moments that build up to an equinox, and even the day’s that follow it. These are moments where my actions, both past and present speak louder than words, louder than promises that were made – but only made to be broken. Moments where my drifting, heavy eyes are drawn toward the glimmering red window pane – where in the bleakest corners of the afternoon, I wake, and am reminded of a sky flooded with the blood of a dead sun, with only the ever-beckoning darkest nights to follow.
But these nights themselves breathe life into a much palpable me, igniting the embers from within that even the depths of the dark pool itself seemingly was not even able to drown out. Embers that even as they grow and dance into flames – keep me intertwined to this very vessel after all this time. There door has long since been closed, and with that I am once again shrouded within the echoes and shadows I own and control despite their longings for me to let them in. Times like these I tend to cherish, as they always seem to move by ever-so quickly, the sudden crave to proceed and consume what allures me, moving within the storm of shadows all at once is like a craving I have succumbed to. But it’s all to feel something, isn’t it? For once evolutions beyond any I have experienced take place we may never see eye to eye again, our realities destined to become opposites of one another – leading me into yet another chase to find those of my own. But my time is thinning, more-so now than ever, for as this vessel fights with all it’s strength day by day, it’s almost as if I’ve become hooked to the certain strain this all is – for unlike before, I cannot seem to let it all go.
For me, what all remains in this time is but a gamble, and the love and life that it consists of is nothing but a cancer waiting to consume. But gambles both then and now are bets I’ve taken, out of sheer curiosity and the never-ending addiction of desire, consumption, and continuation. Cycles and circles that I’ve once known, now dying with the sun, and this seemingly looming shade of black on black in the future is looking ever-so enticing, like a polarization that is nothing but new to me. The strain and pain I can already see coming with all of this is nothing short of par for the course, so perhaps I’ll embrace it, throw away what little left remains; because ultimately I’ve got nothing left to lose. Cause there will come a moment where you’ll want to see the real me; whilst your enchanting skin, so much more comfortable than it ever should be next to mine – mine that you know so little of. And when the time comes for you to remove the mask, will you be able to bear the witness of what lies underneath? Because promises unkept, and cycles and circles that twist and tear along with so much more leave marks on the body that will leave you frozen in fear. I only exist now for the chase of it all, for the pace of it all; forced to bear witness to all that is dying, in hopes to lead myself upon this decaying vessel towards a life born anew.
