Pick apart my faltering brain, shred it into a million pieces and put it back together piece by piece – the way that you see fit. It doesn’t matter to me anymore, like a timeline I am no longer able to tread on, the memories that I hold are like a long lost dream, no longer even tangible, no longer of a time in place, for all that I once “known” has been erased – now shrouded in shadows and darkness of a reality that is so far under even the furthest levels of depths cannot reach it. As stated before I am now strapped within the seat, fully bound to the will of these visions and memories alike – with my longing and growing desires as my only guiding sense throughout these trying times. In a sense, a Phantom born from a reality of lies, fears, and darkness – and with that, it has left me immune to such things. Like a newly created vessel, I can feel the shell of what I have now become begin to form from within me, it surrounds and ripples inwards and outwards simultaneously, like a darkened goo, or perhaps poison of sorts that seeks to send me back to sleep. Moments like these, remind me of plunging further and further within the dark pool, but even I know that this time is different.
Born out of a sense of emptiness, and born into a state of darkness, I have in a way have been given the freedom I am always longed for, freedoms that I once fought for, whilst at the same time being forced to view these flashing images which feel like a life-time, despite them flashing before my very tired eyes. To you, I am nothing and perhaps will never be nothing. I am an indestructible object, a fearless force, an infinite energy of darkness – not because I am all powerful, not because I am of some godly sort, but rather because I am already gone, and have long since been. There is no need to try and comfort me during times like these, for yes my dreams are fleeting, just like my memories and overall state of existence; but in this state of fragileness, and in this moment of complete silence and emptiness, the very noir existence I find myself a part of pulls me in rapidly, enticing me ever-so strongly to stay, ever-so convincingly to be a part of the chaos, and tragedy that awaits ahead.
But now that phantom blood courses through my veins, blood that will surely expire and turn to poison at the dawn of some mysterious hours when the flames run bleak – I know that a true end is at stake. An end that I I every now and then dream of, one that resides atop a peak of white, where sunsets and sun-downs meet in a state of coexistence; in this place love was both found and lost, as well as purpose, courage, and so much more. It is this place where destiny waits, where the key’s to destiny’s shackles reside – where this soul can be set free. But even the most hopeless of souls must continue onwards – for as long as they can dream of new lines.
