Time is no longer relative when you’re in this state of mind, when you dwell in this state of being. Like fleeting moments lost within the gentle grasp of a dream – it’s all drifting in and out within cycles like I’ve never seen. I’ll catch my vision at some point when I awake, for in knowing that part of me is forever gone, I am patient in waiting for my sight to become clear, patient in knowing that my time too – quickly draws near. This existence is jarring in essence, like an ever-lasting waking nightmare that just so happens to be all I’ve ever known. For sure, I’ve found diamonds in this rough, but they were never mine to own to begin with, all strapped to an anchor that seeks to see me sink deeper in pursuit of something that will never truly last, something that will never truly be mine.
Since I cannot mourn per-say, I can only yearn for the feelings that I once had. Feelings that have long since been gone, lost to a time that has been erased along with the lines of an older Advent. Memories that are forever etched in my mind haunt like terror, throughout all hours of the day, for only in darkness can they roam freely, and out of my head. During moments like these, I often feel as though I have experienced all that this darkness has to offer. In theory, it may be true – for what this darkness has had to offer in the past is now proving to have not been enough, for moving forward I must now begin to take from it what I desire. Since the burning of these flames on my skin, this direction has become less and less clearer as moments past by. For no longer are there whispers in my ear seeking to guide me towards various directions, nor are there forces enticing me to do their bidding. It is almost as if I no longer exist – completely. The emptiness that I have begun to expel onto this fractured reality will become a theme soon enough, and even I know that when it does – a sleep will take place that will swallow what remains left of me. For as I move across the deepest, and darkest corners of your mind, shrouded in shadows and cloaked behind the masks – there is a certain yearning deep within, perhaps what little control I have left of these flames, that seeks for a sense of purpose in this all.
