Much time has past since I have set eyes on this dark and barren room that lies before the open door. For stillness and stagnation has found it’s steady straggle upon me ever since days of an emergent summer and the new cycles that would be birthed with it. I’ve seen let time pass, and watched it all move like a reel; peering into the moments like an outsider, catching glimpses of the steadfast unraveling of our being as days pass. Because in this dark, in these shadows that have seemed to slip your decaying mind – all I can do is watch, all I can do is bare witness to the fates grand design; ultimately learning my place and trying to find solace in this arising era of the epilogue. But I have felt a stir in your mind that has caused me to move, one that has lead me back to the very place we found our beginnings. The place in a space where echo’s of crashing waves and devouring currents ripple throughout my mind, a place where the pull to dissipate is strongest. And I have found comfort in that. For it is within those very states where we had found oneself, and a path worth abiding for when all other seem to vanish like ghosts at dawn at the hand of these final fates. So it is with that knowing, that I still hold faith, still hold space, still hold tenacity – that there is a place for us in this. One of absolution and a truer respite.
And what of what I have found throughout this period remission? A new face in this dark that I cannot do away with. A newfound obligation to follow in his footsteps, the way he would see fit. The time of the hunt has long past, a period of such succulent indulgence that has left me with new found heights of greed that even now, I cannot begin to shake. Left from it all with a faltering state of mind, and a vessel in such a discrepant state of being, I can hardly recognize it as my own. But on this path, I swore to go it steadfast, without a care left on the line to hold me hostage to this unwavering end. An end so sure of it’s essence, that once witnessed no amount of denial will sway you to ignorance. To smell, taste, even feel for just a moment the wind of it’s presence is enough to spiral you towards it’s hands. I know the time is nearing for an epilogue true to form. one that will tear from the seams of this fabric from this life I have stitched for myself, leading to a rejoining that has long since been set in motion by he who lies at the bottom of some cold and darkened pool. Now you know I can’t stay forever. Now you know that this was never about abandoning our true nature from which we were forged, in chase of some lofty desire for something fleeting. Now you know that the longing for the deliverance that I seek has always been unwavering.
But even now, as I read out these words like a mantra, I can feel the strife coming from within. Why now, is it so hard to let go? For as I glance around this darkened room of even darker beginnings I can still see the seat. Still unchanged and in place from when we once left it. The very seat that we were once strapped to, taunted and tantalized by an opening door and the unfathomable possibilities of what would become should the opportunity arise to go beyond it. Such possibilities that have lead us back here, yet now, staring back with an enticing glance at the very thing that had kept us bound. This seat, it calls to me. An inevitable rejoining in the making, and aforetime such, an emergent return to form like no other. Waltzing my way to this coda I know what dangers this new fearlessness could bring, but with it a new knowledge, a new understanding. So in these fleeting moments, as equality once again takes it’s reign over time in favor of the moments that will soon come to pass in commemoration of the events that first lead us here – I take my seat, back down. A decision much time in the making, as I prepare to make my way through the open door once more. For tired eyes, and unrelenting lies are no longer enough to keep me down. I am so close to being free, so why would I stop now?