I don’t want to remember those times of wars and longings, it all just seems to long ago, but in states that exist between sleep and the reality I am currently settled in – their memories seem to seep through the seams. Memories like those have left me mute, left me forcing empty words when I finally build up the strength to say something to you.
Like a never ending-cycle, you stay lodged within my mind, some place where you never truly wanted me to be from time to time, yet here I am – and thus is reason why circles and cycles alike must be permanently shattered, forged into something new entirety. Because these powerful reverberations hold me back from truly strapping myself into the seat of a new life, but both you and I know by now that there are things that I just cannot bear to leave behind.
During those times I had a purpose for every direction, an intent for every action, an answer for every question; but now, during these times that stand before the presence of a dying sun, I struggle finding a concrete purpose, intent, action for literally everything. I suppose all in all, it just boils down to the lack of what I am, and the suppressed nature of what I have become – waiting for it all to take over.
Maybe one day, perhaps one day soon upon taking up this nature that has been stowed away for so long, I can become the force that they need, or even, the person that you needed. But until that times comes stay far, far, away from me. For now as I wallow in whatever form of misery takes my mind, my only purpose is to consume, to see through this blurred vision from tired eyes and substances that bring me further from earth. Because I’m strapped to the seat, and I’ve already lost all I’ve ever had and all I’ve ever wanted – now is nothing more but the putting together of the pieces that shall one day be the structures that can stand tall enough to challenge the enemy that is time,
