Tossing and turning throughout an irritable sense, my patience and thoughts grow thin as my very existence becomes ever-more anxious, ever-more fleeting. I cannot rectify the things I have done, the things that haunt me in my mind during these darkest hours that I have grown ever-so close to. They are in a sense a mirror of infinite reflections, allowing me to glimpse and even feel the moments of timelines and realities I will never have access too, all the while reverberating my darkest moments over and over again. It’s a state of sleep that has washed over me, but in order for it to give – I must stay strapped within the seat, strapped within the very bounds that this fleeting existence has left for me. These bounds exist within the darkest corners of my mind, and yours, they exist within the crevices of your most innate desires, desires you’d only let be known in a place no one else can see.
This state pulls and tugs at the flames that seek to devour me whole, I can still feel the burning upon my skin and even more intensely so during these moments – for they know that while I am idle awaiting for the glimpses this shift can bring me, they can continue to keep me strayed from the path, strayed from the seat – hoping to guide me to a state of uncontrollable descent. When I close my eyes, these hours past by ever-so quickly, when I open them, they past by even quicker. The pain and longing that has always been present within my chest has now grown into it’s own sense of suffering, it’s own sense of irritability, it’s own sense of consciousness – and it now wants out.
This sense of tiredness, this sense of longing, and this sense of irritability is now being led to a state I have always known would eventually take it’s place. A state of aggressiveness, a state of implosion and drastic odds that will surely lead to the end of this fading, and a fade to black of this all. It is not a state that I seek to avoid, for it in and of itself is no more than one of the various final fates that have been bestowed upon me – all but one of the various outcomes I must witness as part of this transparent experience.
