Shall we begin?
An emotional impact has taken it’s course, has begun it’s journey, has sought out a purpose far greater than what it has been fed all this time, than who it has been fed to all of this time. This emotional impact has left me, it has left me starving for something more, starving for something substantial, starving for something greater. There is a void that spirals far below, within the depths that I must now move in, within the deepest levels of the dark pool that moves ever so quietly. This pool exists as if it is the purest thing in existence, when in reality it has claimed and devoured countless souls, has seen many existence put to rest, and even more erased from advents and timelines alike. It is here, within these depths where part of my resides, it waits patiently to be set free, to be let ago, to spiral down into the neon depths below where it shall know no strife, know no chaos, know no love and the loss of it, know of nothing but the void and emptiness that has been promised – the very void and emptiness that I have begun to dream of, the such that has now arrived.
Like a theme, it settles in during this transition. This transition where I am no longer what I once was, a mortal of mere solid mind and matter, a mortal or moral and direction. No, for I am fading ever-so quickly, like the fleeting twilight sun that proceeds the evolution of these darkest nights, these darkest nights that proceed the rising of a blackness of such void, my heart can hardly wait to bare. Too many, this may seem like a tragedy, or perhaps will. For me however, I know that this is an evolution that was always destined to take place, an evolution that would give me a choice within these fleeting and fragile moments that remain for me to gain control of what time I have left, to gain control of the direction this chair I am strapped to goes – to gain control of this emptiness that now swallows me whole.
I was never enough then, I am not enough now; again, like a re-occurring theme, like a pre-destined manifestation that will plague me to the end, like a state of existence that was always my calling, like a glitch of my soul – this emptiness is now all that I know. From hollows that were forged by the fear, and trauma of phantoms now and phantoms then, I know now that I am one of them. Given a pain that floods throughout my veins, a that infiltrates throughout my brain. One that settles in, like growing pains, assuring that I meet this end, assuring that I am to fade. I know where this will lead, I know how this must go. So resistance I now let go of, for that time of “someday” where it all must change, begins here, begins now, within this pain, within this state I can only describe as empty.
